Don't Go Breaking My Heart
by moonlitwanderer
Summary: A series of thoughts from after each episode - skipped out ep1 sorry! Enjoy :)
1. Episode Two

**A/N: Hopefully it's not just me who was reeling from this last episode! I'm do glad to write a fic for this show, and hopefully you like reading it! Please don't forget to review etc. All rights to the BBC- I don't own any characters! Enjoy :)**

"Don't go breaking my heart."

It's an innocent enough lyric, sung at an innocent event. But as I gaze into Molly's eyes I find myself meaning them. Her hair falls perfectly down the side of her face and her smile lights up her eyes in a way that makes me want to smile too. Her brilliant determination and moral strength, although against army protocols, are the first thing that set her from the rest.

"I couldn't if I tried."

Molly stares up at me, grinning from ear to ear. It's clearly a promise she's willing to make. The lads down there holler away but it's like we're in a bubble, separated from regulations and expectations. Out of the corner of my eye I see Smurf, a good soldier, looking thoughtfully up at us, his brows knitted together in a frown. I understand the past that's gone on between him and Molly but I don't think it's a problem now.

From the first moment that I saw her laughing as our photograph was taken at the airport I knew Molly was going to be a challenge. Little did I know just how much she was going to object to my command. She went against army protocol so many times, especially when getting involved with the little girl, and it infuriated me that she was winning my heart. When the mine detonated and she flew into the air my heart rate shot through the roof. I'd seen this situation many times before, with disastrous consequences. I thanked God when she sat up, a little dazed and scratched, but still okay. Continuing to save a comrade's life and defying protocols in order to prevent him from dying earned her reprimands, but despite everything, her unwavering courage won me over.

My thoughts are cast back to the song which I've sung so many times I can sing it in my sleep. I've been looking for the right person to sing the duet with me, and I think Molly does it perfectly.

"It's up to us, babe,

I think we can make it."


	2. Episode Three

**A/N: Thanks to you all for all the support, I'm so glad there's actually somewhere to post a story about Our Girl! Here's the next installment, from episode three. Enjoy :)**

Why do I have to be so bloody angry? My pride is getting in the way of what really matters: Dawes – no, Molly.

I was infuriated. Our intimate meeting in her tent gave me enough hope that we would survive together and get out of this war alive. Before she went on leave she gave me her word that she would come back safely to me but when she was hesitant to jump on the helicopter my heart skipped a beat. I needed her safe and was willing to make the sacrifice of sending her away from me to make that happen. I came up with the excuse that I needed the coffee from England, but in reality I needed her. Over the next week or two I brooded silently so that no one would catch on to our relationship.

Then not only did she come back, but she bought stories of Smurf with her. Apparently she went to Newport and he to London and that's all I wanted to know about that happened. I'm not stupid. After hearing the elaborate, rather too detailed versions from the rest of the platoon, I thought I'd lost her to another man. Thoughts ran through my head: why should I care? It was their well-earned leave so they could have spent it however they wished. I adopted my outer shell and acted like I was supposed to, and not like I had any feelings for the girl.

However, there was a niggling feeling in the back of my head that was exposed as I questioned: she wouldn't do this to me. Surely. She was the moral compass among us tainted soldiers. She always did the right thing despite the orders launched upon her. Through my uncaring outer shell her words in denial of anything happening sounded false and I couldn't take any more of this foolery. I needed to speak to her alone, but couldn't quite find the right opportunity, besides; she seemed to spend all of her time in heated discussions with Smurf that I (along with the rest of the platoon) stayed away from.

But then she kept pleading with me to believe her. And I wanted to believe it, I truly did, but my stubbornness got the better of me. It was only when I found the box of coffee on my bed wrapped neatly with a ribbon did I realise that she was thinking of me when she was in London. I breathed a sigh of relief. How could I even for one second think that she would have broken such a serious promise?

Going against everything she'd ever been taught she joined me in the face of imminent death as a symbol of her 'fondness' of me. She literally poured her heart out but I couldn't reply because I was too bloody proud. I knew that the radio was still on and the whole platoon could probably hear every word of what she said and that we would have to face the banterous consequences later. I suppose I didn't want to seem like I was getting involved, which is a top rule in the army. I was her captain and she was beneath me, and that's all there was meant to be to it. In all fairness, I was also concentrating on finding any mines and trying not to get us both blown up.

"Do you love me?"

The words are still ringing in my head. I had to physically stop and turn around to face her, looking her straight in the eyes. Yes. Ys! I screamed in my head. Of course I love you, can't you see it? She stared back in confusion, and suddenly the sheet moved and my feelings had to be aborted.

Later, when the victim's shaky hand pointed up towards her my heart stammered in my chest and I wondered vaguely if the whole world could hear it. I could see liquid fear spreading through her veins and pouring out through her face and shaking body. I can't let this happen to her. I have to keep her out of harm's way. And that is the most impossible thing when you're in the army.

**P.S. I feel like I'm writing an essay, what do you think? Please review! Much love**


	3. Episode Four

**A/N: hey guys, thanks for all of the amazing support! Here's the next chapter, and it starts when Molly storms out just after she's found out James' secret. Please don't forget to review, follow and favourite - it would mean so much! Enjoy :)**

"Dawes—Molly, don't go!" I stare longingly at the woman I love as she turns her back and walks away from me, who knows how long for. It's all out now, I guess. All of the lies and deceit and careful avoidance of the subject. I've wanted to tell her for a while now about Lily and little Harry but as soon as I built up the courage she'd say something that would make me never want to hurt her.

I spot her burying her face in her hands and rub her head, s if it will help her clear her mind. All of this turmoil is my fault. If I'd made my position here clearer then maybe nothing would have happened. I came here to get away and give Lily a chance to sort affairs out back home. I came here to clear my mind and sort out my priorities. I didn't come here to have my life turned upside down. I didn't come here to have my heart thumping and my stomach turning every time the medic was in view. And I don't regret anything.

Molly is the best thing that's happened to me in my life. I've found love! Why does it have to be such a bloody secret? Why do we have to hide our feelings? Why did I have to hide my past? Well, that's what it is now. The past. I invited her for Christmas. The offer still stands.

Bloody Smurf. He was pussy-footing around, what was he talking about marriage? Now I realise I must have sounded to Molly like a complete imbecile lecturing Smurf about not taking personal life into the field when I'm hiding a relationship right under their noses. Every time we go on a mission I think less about the lads and more about her; how is she doing? Is she in danger? A multitude of questions fill my head when I should be alert and ready for anything.

Butterflies flutter in my tummy as I again realise that she knows and I don't have to pretend anymore. She knows I'm married and I'm not going to lie to myself and tell myself it went well. She found out in the wrong way, and I need to set it straight. I might as well tell her everything about Lily and little Harry.

I run after her. She's gone quite far down the road and it's quite a run to get there but damn this is important. I catch up with her, half expecting her to spout some cockney nonsense, but her face is icy cold. I can't detect any emotion on it.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay," I say tentatively, having to perform a half jog to keep up with her. I'm met with a stony silence, and wonder if things will ever return to some kind of normalcy.


	4. Episode Five

**A/N: I'm absolutely reeling from that last episode, honestly, it couldn't have been more perfect. Anyway, here is the last chapter of this fic until maybe series two *crosses fingers*! Enjoy :)**

For the first time in my life I feel like I belong somewhere. I feel absolutely and totally loved and I swear it's the best feeling in the universe. The look he gives me as I step through the doorway is one worth living for. The warmth of his beautiful house floods my senses and snuggles through my jet-lagged body, enveloping my heart. Before shutting the door he scoops me into a crushing hug, signalling that he's missed me massively.

"I missed you too, mate," I laugh, but I'm cut off by his lips pressing firmly onto mine, joining our bodies as one.

I think of the many times I've longed to be here over the past six months, and the equal amount of times that I've told myself I was there to do a job and get it over with. I remember the first time he scribed 'Rosabaya' onto my arm, and the school-girl feeling that fluttered in my stomach as I longed to tell everyone about my secret crush, our hands intertwining meaningfully. I remember him trying every excuse to attend the med tent, every excuse just to see me, can you believe it? He put his job on the line by entering a relationship with me and I tried so hard to believe that there was nothing else to it except pure and untainted love.

I remember the cold-hearted, sinking feeling as I overheard that he had a wife, and used every ounce of my strength of mind to find an excuse for him. Smurf was deluded; he wasn't thinking straight, the boss had a wife years ago, but not anymore. Doubt took over me and spread through my body: what if everything has been a lie? Is there anything else he isn't telling me? I don't think pure happiness had ever been followed by such sadness in any human being's life.

When my two rocks were tarnished by shot-wounds and spite, my whole world came crashing down. Sitting in that waiting room with Smurf was the longest night of my life. The futures of all three of us were in the hands of the doctors and nurses tending to the captain.

The rest of my life since then is measured in good days and bad days. A date in Bath with the captain: good. Visiting the football ground with Smurf: bad. Smurf's funeral: bad. Returning to Afghan: good. Seeing Bashira happy: good. Visiting the captain at Christmas as promised: good.

I'm still reeling from the relief of seeing Bashira again. When I spotted her playing happily with another girl in a safe environment I didn't want to talk to her anymore. I didn't want to disrupt her blissful happiness that we had provided for her, but then I was humbled that she recognised me, despite it being months before that we last saw each other the day she had a bomb around her waist. I feel terrible for putting Qaseem under the stress of getting me to the safe house but in the end he was rewarded by seeing us happy and returning to a normal life. I still write to him sometimes, and he's a great bloke.

The worst day was Smurf's funeral. I just thought what a bloody waste of life it was. He was going to have a massive adventure called life ahead of him; despite how dreary it sounded when he spoke about it. He had dreams and he had nightmares but they all added up to make Smurf and how brilliant it was to have him as my best mate. Down the back of the Indian takeaway that night I never imagined in a million years that our paths would one day cross again. We were going to go to Vegas...

"I bloody love you," he says. His voice is like a light flickering on in the darkness and I'm brought back to the present day. "And I've been waiting to say that for six months. Writing it wouldn't have been the same, so here t it: I love you." He posts the words carefully into my ears and they settle softly in my head, melting into my mind. I suddenly have a floating feeling and it's the best in the world. For once in my life, I'm speechless, and I can only beam back.

"Ditto."

**A/N: Please don't forget to favourite/follow/review: they mean so much to me! **


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